I've on track creating a catalog with all the belongings that a hot youthful (pseudo, would-be, ex) celebrity must totally have and do this year. Honestly, I'm gonna write myself a nice checklist and stick it on the fridge door and whenever fresh gossip comes out about one of the young starlets or fashionistas or celebutantes or socialites or however else we choose to call them, instead of writing a column I'm gonna just take up my marker and do a nice red tick in a box. It's not that I want to save time. No, nothing of the sort – I just think it's all part of a big mean plot to Britney-fy and Lindsay-fy us all and I want to have enough proof to go live on David Letterman and convince you all that the end is near. Kidding.
But I did mean the part about the checklist. The number one thing's definitely gotta be drugs – and booze, plenty of both, and then – drums roll, please – comes the stripping off your underwear part. And just so that I'm totally proven right, Hillary Duff has apparently decided to step into the shoes of veteran walking blunders such as Britney or Lindsay Lohan and did a "play in Vegas with no panties on" act just this weekend.